The Biggest Secret To Resilience

I don't know about you but I have been conditioned to think that resilience meant overcoming something really hard, being a really tough person, and the ability to bounce back from hard things. Does that resonate at all?

Well, I'd like to debunk some things or at least give you a new perspective about resilience that you maybe have not thought of yet.

I had jury duty a couple of weeks ago (Alexa here) and during the process of the judge getting to know us he asked me a question "What do you think makes some people more resilient than others?" Here's what I think:

I think we typically (not always) fall into one of two categories to describe us pre-resilient human being.

  1. You think you are resilient based on pure existence. Meaning, if you go through something hard you automatically become resilient without doing the hard inner work or making the decision to act in alignment with resilience.

  2. You don't find yourself deserving of resilience. A lot of people stay in the frame of mind that everything happens to them and that they deserve everything "bad" that happens to them. This comes from a feeling of lack or low self-esteem.

I have had seasons of my life where I have felt both of these things. After my dad died everyone told me I was resilient because that's what people do. Therefor, I didn't do much work at the beginning to try and understand this new version of myself I just wanted to bounce back to my old life. I thought I was resilient based on pure existence.

Then, there were the times I got out of unhealthy relationships. This is when deep inside of me I didn't feel deserving of healing or resilience. I created the narrative that everything was happening to me not for me and that I had something to prove in order to feel good or have good things happen in my life.

Overall, circumstances of life don’t make you resilient, it is how you respond & do the work to that make you resilience. Soooo ... here's the biggest secret about resilience.

Resilience is not an act of overcoming something hard it is an act of becoming based on all that we experience in life. It's an act of self-love, a state of becoming, a choice, an opportunity to deepen the threshold that allows you to understand yourself more. It's choosing to advocate for your own well-being.

To hear more about resilience check out our episode The Biggest Secret To Resilience here.

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